How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
