haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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