I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize