I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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