i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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