gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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