11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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