An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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