Whatcha textin bout Willis?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
