Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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