and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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