I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
