Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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