now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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