i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
