So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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