Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
