he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
