i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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