So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
