True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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