you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
