I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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