he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
