I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he puts the penis in happiness.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
