There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
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Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
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Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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