when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
