im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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