Your face is a jimmy john
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
