one might say we're banned from that church
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
