bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Randomize
