This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
