Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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