Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
