im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
