hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
