the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
