I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
