Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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