I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
