i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
