My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
