Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
