this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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