I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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