I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
