chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
