I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
