sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
