there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
