Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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