matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize