I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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