dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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