I'm going to jail i love you
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
