Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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