The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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