At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
