life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
