he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
