Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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