and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize