i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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