I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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