Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
