dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
