Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
