I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
