i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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