I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
