TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
