she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
