Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
