Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
