I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
