Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
