hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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