There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize