dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
