I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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